The crucial links between children's anxiety and sleep: what you need to know.

The link between children's anxiety and sleep is huge, and works both ways. It is an incredibly important part of the puzzle of helping children with anxiety. Poor sleep affects anxiety levels, and higher anxiety levels impact sleep. This can be a vicious cycle for our children, and can have us parents at our wit's end, stuck in long bedtime routines that rob us of our evenings, and still don't help our children get enough sleep. In this blog, we'll look and how and why anxiety and sleep affect each other - and what you can do about it to support your child.

Poor sleep increases anxiety - here's why:

1. Poor sleep makes the brain more reactive to threats.

When a child is tired, the brain’s amygdala - the part responsible for interpreting danger - becomes more reactive. This means:

• Worries feel bigger

• Small problems feel huge and overwhelming

• Emotional regulation becomes harder

2. Poor sleep means the brain isn't processing tricky emotions and events from the day.

During deep sleep, the brain organises memories, processes emotions, and resets stress hormones. Without enough high-quality sleep, children may struggle with:

• Managing fears

• Calming down after stressful experiences

• Coping with everyday challenges

High anxiety reduces sleep quality and quantity - here's why:

1. Anxiety makes it harder for the brain to be quiet.

When a child is anxious, the brain often goes into "alert mode." This can mean lots of worry-filled thoughts racing though your child's mind. They might worry about what happened that day, what might happen the next day or in the future, or worry that they won't be able to sleep.

2. Anxiety increases physical arousal.

Anxiety triggers the body's fight-or-flight response, releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. These cause a faster heart rate, higher body temperature tense muscles, and shallow breathing - all of which are not helpful when we're trying to sleep!

3. Anxiety causes children to wake more frequently in the night.

Even if a child does fall asleep, if they do fall asleep feeling anxious, this will often cause restless sleep, vivid dreams/nightmares, and light sleep that is easily disturbed or disrupted. This is because the heightened anxiety causes the brain to stay partially alert, looking vigilantly for any dangers, making it easy to be awoken.

4. Anxiety can lead to sleep avoidance.

Some children grow to fear bedtime because it's when these feelings and thoughts show up most. They may resist going to bed, need a parent nearby, or feel scared about the dark, being alone or not being able to sleep. This means they often get less sleep and take a lot longer to finally settle down, often still going to sleep feeling anxious.

How can you support your child with anxiety and sleep?

The key is to reduce the anxiety they feel at bedtime, so that they fall asleep with less anxiety. This makes them more able to get to sleep quickly AND less likely to wake during the night, both of which will mean they get more sleep and will therefore feel less anxious and better able to regulate emotions the next day. Win win!

But, unlike what it might feel like, the best way to help them get to sleep with less anxiety at bedtimes isn’t to do whatever they want you to do for as long as they want you to do it. My daughter would call for us repeatedly and we would go to her, reassuring her that she would be able to sleep, sometimes sitting with her for 30-40 minutes at a time, desperately trying not to move a muscle while she fell asleep. 

This is what so many families I support are stuck doing - because it feels like it should help. But this is what we call the accommodation trap. The more we do these temporary “fixes” for anxiety, the more we are reinforcing the anxiety. 

Please note I am not telling you to stop doing anything to help your child. But the key is to work systematically to help your child to be more able to tolerate the feeling of anxiety and for us to be the ones that lead the way in this. 

This is how the SPACE program works - and trust me, it really works. I have used this approach with so many families to help their children be able to get to sleep faster, without their parents, and without anxiety.

It’s the approach that took my daughter from “needing us” for up to 3 hours a night, to skipping off to her first sleepover in just a couple of weeks. 

It’s the approach that took one family from going back to their daughter at least five times a night and having the daughter wake up most nights to a short, effective bedtime routine that helps their daughter get to sleep calmly so that she rarely wakes up in the night. And if she does wake up in the night, she is now able to manage this herself, as her mother gleefully informed me the other day:

“She woke in the night, went to the toilet and got back in her own bed without waking us! This has NEVER happened!”

If you are looking to help your child get more, and better quality, sleep, and to be able to get to sleep without you and without anxiety, book a free discovery call to discuss how parent-led support can help your child with sleep, or join my mailing list to receive practical strategies for supporting children with anxiety.

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About the Author

Katrina Batey is a trained SPACE anxiety treatment provider, mental health coach, and parent to a daughter who had selective mutism and other anxiety challenges. She supports families across the UK and internationally to help anxious children build confidence and resilience. Learn more about Katrina.