Parenting an anxious child is the hardest thing I've ever done.

I love my daughter more than anything in the world. And I wouldn't change a thing about who she is. But parenting a child with anxiety has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Even writing those words brings up guilt, because if you’re parenting an anxious child, you spend so much of your life trying to protect them, that admitting how hard it is can feel selfish somehow.

But it is hard.

If you're here, reading this, I'm guessing it's hard for you right now. I want you to know that you're not alone...and I know how it feels.

Our journey:

Over the years, we have supported her through multiple battles with anxiety: selective mutism, intense anxiety at bedtime, anxiety following sickness bugs that led to separation anxiety and struggling to go to school, as well as some food avoidance and emetophobia. It's been a lot!

There were periods where life felt very small.

Times when evenings out became impossible. When holidays felt stressful instead of relaxing. When a simple school morning could completely derail the entire day. When I felt constantly “on alert,” scanning for the next wobble, the next trigger, the next difficult moment.

And unless you’ve lived it, it’s very hard to explain just how consuming it can become.

Thankfully, things are so much better now. She recently got sick over New Year and bounced back beautifully. She’s away on a school residential trip as I write this. She happily goes to holiday clubs. She doesn’t panic if I leave the house in the evenings anymore.

Watching her reclaim her confidence has been one of the greatest joys of my life.

But I also know this:

When anxiety is bad, it can take a huge toll on parents too.

I see it all the time in the families I support now, and so many mums quietly carry the same thoughts and feelings behind closed doors.

1. We grieve the childhood we imagined for our children.
   

   I remember sitting with friends while they talked about their children’s busy social lives — teammates, birthday parties, packs of neighbourhood kids knocking on the door asking them to come out and play.

   And I remember quietly shrinking inside myself.

   Because that carefree childhood? I’d imagined it too.

   But anxiety changes things.

   Making friends can feel harder. Team sports can feel overwhelming. Playdates can become complicated. Family outings can feel loaded with stress instead of fun.

   You love your child exactly as they are — and at the same time, you mourn how hard the world can feel for them.

   Both things can be true.

   
   

2. We feel judged — constantly.

   Parents of anxious children often feel like they’re being watched from every angle. Too soft. Too firm. Too accommodating. Not accommodating enough. Too present. Not present enough. Too anxious ourselves. Not handling it properly.

   
   

   The truth is, unless you’ve parented a child with significant anxiety, it’s almost impossible to understand the mental load involved. People often assume confident children are the result of “good parenting,” and anxious children are the result of parenting mistakes.

   That simply isn’t true. Temperament matters. Nervous systems matter. Sensitivity matters. And many parents of anxious children are working unbelievably hard behind the scenes in ways nobody else sees.

   
   

3. We become trapped in cycles of helplessness and hopelessness.

   You read the books. You listen to podcasts. You try every strategy.

   And still, progress can feel painfully slow.

   Sometimes you think things are improving… and then suddenly you’re right back where you started.

   That cycle can feel devastating.

   Not because you expect perfection, but because you love your child so much and you desperately want life to feel easier for them.

   
   

4. We know how important our own mental health is - but we don't get the time and space to actually prioritise it.

   One thing I believe deeply is this:

   Your wellbeing matters enormously.

   Not just because you matter (although you absolutely do), but because anxious children co-regulate through us. When parents feel calmer, steadier, and more supported, children begin to feel safer too.

   But knowing that and actually having the capacity to care for yourself are two very different things. Because when you’re parenting an anxious child, you often become their emotional anchor for everything.

   You’re managing school worries, bedtime fears, emotional meltdowns, reassurance seeking, avoidance, transitions, appointments — all while trying to hold together work, relationships, housework, friendships, meals, and ordinary life.

   It’s exhausting.

   
   

5. It can feel incredibly lonely.

   One thing I hear again and again from mums is:

   “I feel like nobody else fully gets it.”

   Sometimes partners cope differently. Sometimes extended family minimise the anxiety. Sometimes one parent becomes the “safe parent” who carries most of the emotional load.

   Nobody is intentionally doing things wrong — but it can leave parents feeling isolated, resentful, and overwhelmed.

   And when you’re already running on empty, that loneliness cuts deep.

I know how much support parents need, because I know how hard this journey is.

I originally trained as a parent coach because I was so affected by my own experience of parenting anxiety. Using my Masters in mental health and my coaching qualifications, I began by helping mums rebuild their own wellbeing.

But very quickly I noticed something important, which makes total sense:

Parents struggled to feel better while their child was still struggling so intensely.

And this is how I came to train in the game-changing S.P.A.C.E. Anxiety Treatment Program, and honestly, I wish I had found it years earlier.

It completely changed how I understood anxiety, accommodation, and the parent’s role in recovery.

What I love most about the SPACE approach is that parents become the agents of change. You don’t have to force, punish, bribe, or endlessly reassure your child. Instead, you learn how to respond in ways that build genuine confidence and resilience over time.

Since then, I’ve supported families navigating:

• selective mutism,

• emetophobia,

• separation anxiety,

• school anxiety,

• social anxiety,

• bedtime anxiety,

  and more.

  
  

And over the years, I’ve developed my own step-by-step approach that combines SPACE with several other essential components for supporting anxious children compassionately and effectively.

I call it the Anxiety Foundations Framework.

Because helping an anxious child isn’t about finding one magic sentence or quick fix. It’s about creating the right foundations — for your child and for you.

And when those foundations begin to shift, the impact can be transformative for the whole family.

And if you’re in the thick of it right now, I want you to know this:

Things really can get better.

If you’d like to find out more about how I support families, I’d love to chat.

You can book that here.

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About the Author

Katrina Batey is a trained SPACE anxiety treatment provider, mental health coach, and parent to a daughter who had selective mutism and other anxiety challenges. She supports families across the UK and internationally to help anxious children build confidence and resilience. Learn more about Katrina.