The day everything changed: my daughter's selective mutism diagnosis story

If you've recently learned your child has selective mutism or an anxiety disorder, you might be feeling overwhelmed, scared, or even devastated. I remember that day four years ago when we realised our daughter had selective mutism. Here's what happened.

Our daughter was completely silent at school.

On the day four years ago when we accepted that our daughter was more than "shy," we were absolutely devastated.

We knew she had a problem with speaking to those she didn't know. But I thought that over time she would just feel more comfortable at school, and it would all be ok. But that didn't happen. I knew that she might have selective mutism (I was a teacher before, so I knew what it looked like). It was weird - I was kind of ok with her having selective mutism, until I read the words "anxiety disorder." I just hadn't made that link before.

The moment it became real

I hadn't even finished crying yet but I had to dash to pick her up from school (where she had been silent all day) and her Reception teacher took one look at me, whisked me in, gave me a tissue and calmed me down.

Something about it being anxiety made me see it all so much differently - and it filled me with terror, and awful visions of her future. The reality is that I was filled with anxiety myself.

What came after the selective mutism diagnosis

That day was the hardest day of my parenting journey so far. But it also changed my life, and the life of my daughter. Because that was the kick up the backside I needed to take her challenges seriously and help her to make huge strides to overcome her condition. Yes, selective mutism is an anxiety disorder. But anxiety can be overcome, with the right support.

And her diagnosis also led me to the work I do now, and nothing gives me greater joy, pride and pleasure than helping to support parents when they are feeling like I felt, and helping them to make progress like my child has.

You're not alone

If you've recently received a diagnosis for your child, please know that you're not alone. That overwhelming feeling you have right now? It gets better. And so does your child.

Looking for support? Book a free call to talk about where you are right now and how I can support you.

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About the Author

Katrina Batey is a trained S.P.A.C.E. anxiety treatment provider, mental health coach, and parent to a daughter who had selective mutism and other anxiety challenges. She supports families across the UK and internationally to help anxious children to overcome anxiety, and build confidence and resilience. Learn more about Katrina.